For some, having sex is a highly emotional and personal experience, one that could be joyful, bittersweet or even painful. For others, losing one’s virginity is simply a mechanical act, or something that should have been done a long time ago. Like any normal human behavior, it is a somewhat life altering experience because it is both a coming of age moment and something the mind and body is not accustomed to. Under most circumstances, your first time is usually a good experience. But knowing what to expect when having sex for the first time is very beneficial to avoid embarrassment or even emotional trauma in the worst case scenario.
What to Expect When Having Sex for the First Time
No matter how much porn you’ve seen or how many times you masturbated, nothing quite prepares you for a truly interactive experience. Porn is actually very exaggerated—to the point that it’s like a cartoon for adults. Real sex tends to be more giggly, more awkward, and consistently imperfect.
In fact, it’s quite common for one or both lovers, in the afterglow, to think, “Wow that sucked. That wasn’t worth all the hype!” And usually this is because our expectations are too high. How many times has the average person mastered a dance in one try or sat down on a piano only to instantly play a brilliant piece of music without any studying? Not often…and so expecting a virgin to be a “pro” when it comes to first-time sex is setting yourself up for disappointment.
We need time to learn each other’s bodies, our own bodies, what works and what doesn’t. We need time to explore. One thing that can help is increasing foreplay and spending less time on penetration. After all, foreplay alone can give a woman an orgasm and if a man who is eager to please aims to satisfy his partner at least two or three times if not more. Foreplay is also necessary to make sure that a woman is enjoying herself and is becoming sexually aroused—which leads to greater lubrication and an expansion of the vagina.
Without stimulation, resulting from longer sessions of foreplay, penetration may be painful and orgasms impossible. There is a version of “female impotence” and it means penetration is difficult because of a dry vagina that is not opening up, expecting intercourse.
Think about it this way: gay and lesbian couples consider mutual masturbation and oral sex legitimate forms of sex and intimate connection. It definitely “counts” even without penetration. So why shouldn’t you think of your first sexual experience as not just penetration and coming? Think of it as a full body experience and one without any certain “goal” of orgasm at a certain time. Just explore and see what happens and how it feels.
One thing that can help is more intense genital stimulation BEFORE intercourse, such as oral sex, fingering, or even using a vibrator. A vibrator like the IMO G-Spot Vibrator is designed to stimulate the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time. This is ideal for the woman, especially if she is not very experienced in bringing herself to orgasm on command.
Her boyfriend can help her experience first-time orgasms without scaring her away with his monster cock. (Er, we’re being generous there, sport…most guys are “average size”, you know) Although if the woman is a size queen, you can’t go wrong with a Deluxe Vibrating Realistic Dildo which is over ten inches of porn star fun. Check out our list complied of the best vibrators here!
Women: What to Expect When Having Sex for the First Time
It is actually quite common that a woman will not orgasm the first time, simply because she is new to interacting with a partner, and may not even understand her body well enough to reach the necessary stage of excitement. More trust is required, as is more experience and personal exploration of what works and what doesn’t. One thing’s for sure: intercourse is definitely not statistically on your side when it comes to inducing orgasm. Most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, breast stimulation and G-spot stimulation—but intercourse only is a distant fourth in terms of orgasmic response.
Planning for your first time is important because it decreases anxiety. On the other hand, worrying about parents barging in or being shamed in public, or disappointing a partner in the spur of a heated moment, all of these situations cause anxiety which inhibits orgasm. Planning for sex can also involve reading up on ways to help yourself orgasm as a woman, or how to prevent premature ejaculation as a man.
Does the First Time Hurt?
A woman’s “cherry” or hymen is very misunderstood. The hymen tissue in the entrance of the vagina may tear during intercourse or it may be torn well before your first penetrative experience. Some women “break” their cherry just exercising, or riding a bike and it’s no big deal.
As for the first thrust hurting, yeah sometimes it does and it can leave a woman a bit sore—however, this really depends on whether the man is being too rough or not taking it slow enough. It will hurt a lot if the man pushes himself inside and the woman is too dry, making penetration difficult and chaffing. Therefore, what to expect when having sex for the first time is that the woman will be too dry for penetration on her own. Better be safe than sorry and that means use lubricant, even if she thinks she’s wet enough. Extra lubricant never hurt anyone and actually makes good sex even better. Sometimes a woman may think she’s wet but not actually be wet enough for penetration. Lubricant, such as the Isabel Fay Natural Personal Lubricant, can help in this regard. Plus, it’s designed for those with sensitive skin.
Contraception and Aftermath
Give serious thought to condoms beforehand. Always discuss birth control with your lover and your doctor (and if you still live with your parents that means, uh oh, talking about it with mom and dad!). Condoms are an alternative and are definitely a must if you’re having sex with multiple partners. But don’t be so confident that condoms will absolutely protect you from unwanted pregnancy situations, or even certain STDs, especially if you’re inexperienced at using condoms. One slip off or reckless tear can really change your life in the worst way possible. Going bareback without planning is just an insane thing to do nowadays, so don’t think about it unless the woman is on birth control and both partners have been screened for STDs.
Lastly, it’s always polite to be supportive, sensitive and emotionally mature in the afterglow and aftermath of a relationship—even if you’re not “together” permanently. A virgin’s first sexual experience is a major turning point and you both want this experience to have positive associations, with no stress or anxiety. Treat your lover with respect and give them the affection they long for. You can always discuss the status of the relationship another day.
Now that you know what to expect when having sex for the first time, it’s time to spread a little love in the world and enjoy yourself…but always responsibly.
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